


I Would Kiss You If You Were A Girl

by virvatulilla



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9552941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virvatulilla/pseuds/virvatulilla
Summary: An AU "fanfic" for my original work.Frela has unusual feelings. A drabble.





	

Frela didn't know what had gotten into her. She had never cared for boys in any way, but Kúura… he was beautiful – almost as attractive as any girl.

But Kúura wasn't a girl, and that's why Frela shook her head to drive out the thoughts of him. Kúura was gorgeous, kind, and dared to come close. Vicos might be the one most likely to hug and lift up everyone in their theatre group (especially people smaller than him – which meant everyone), but Kúura was more _present_ and attentive.

There were more obstacles to Kúura and Frela dating than that Frela was a lesbian. One: Kúura was already in a relationship – although to Frela's knowledge it was an open relationship. Two: they were friends, and three: Kúura was three years older than her. He would never think of her as anything else than his friend from theatre.

There was a knock on the door, and Frela startled. “Frela?” Kúura's voice asked. “You've been there for fifteen minutes already. Is everything alright?”

“Of course,” Frela answered, wiping her eyes furiously. “I started playing with my phone– I'm sorry!”

Frela flushed the toilet to cover the noise that blowing her nose made. She dipped some paper into cold water and held it on her face until she didn't look like she had been crying. Frela fixed her makeup quickly and stepped outside. “I'm sorry I kept you waiting”, she said hurrying past Kúura to put her coat on. Everyone else had apparently been so occupied with debating something that they hadn't even been aware of how long Frela had spent in the bathroom.

In celebration of the last show of the year their director, Alex let them have a dinner party at his huge manor. This time alcohol was prohibited, because Luna and Reldan were still minors, and Alex had said that they could have as much fun without intoxidants.

Frela arranged herself to a car's back seat next to Roe and Sharra. Sera, who was sitting in the front seat was immersed in a conversation with Asheden, who was driving the car, and Roe and Sharra were immersed in each other, so Frela was left alone. On the way to the manor she tried to decide how to stay as far away from Kúura as possible for the whole night.

Alex always spoke of the manor as his own, but everybody knew that the real owner was his husband, who was the highest paid doctor of the country. He greeted them at the door that led to the manor from the garage. ”Please, come in,” Mát smiled. ”If you brought something, put them on the kitchen table, you know where that is.”

After throwing her shoes and winter clothes off Frela headed straight to the armchair in the living room. For a pompous manor the décor consisted of strangely old and worn out pieces of furniture – apparently even a top doctor's salary wasn't enough for everything to look perfect.

Kúura had come in the last car, and Frela sighed in relief when he didn't try to confront her about crying in the bathroom.

As the evening went by Frela forgot her worries. Everything was so bright and cheerful; they played board games and ate Rofen's delicious pies. Out of seventeen members of the troupe fifteen were present, so the atmosphere was rambunctious as if they had been in a bigger party. And everyone was staying over – after all, the manor had enough bedrooms; eight of them if you counted the main bedroom.

Division of the rooms was quite clear, as Alex stated; he and Mát in the main bedroom, Sera and Asheden in one, Roe and Sharra, Reldan and Rofen; Pridon and Quinceran, Vicos and Reiven, Luna and Frela, Draien and Kúura. ”You'll bring the sheets to the washing room this time”, he said after assigning the rooms. ”Last time someone forgot that they weren't home and I had to dry-clean the carpet. Seriously. Was it you, Vicos? I don't mind what you do in those rooms as long as I don't have to clean it up.”

Draien glanced at Kúura. ”Can I request that I don't sleep with Kúura again?” he asked. ”No offence, but last time I slept next to you I got a panic attack when you started hugging me when you were asleep…”

”None taken”, Kúura smiled. ”In that case you could sleep with Luna.”

Luna grinned. ”I'm the only option, since Frela is the world's most persistent cuddler,” she said. ”Is that okay for you, Frela?”

Frela felt her face turning scarlet, and couldn't look anywhere near Kúura when she nodded. There was no way she could put her stupid feelings ahead of someone else's mental health.

Only when she carried her bag to the room Frela remembered that all of the rooms had only one double bed. _But of course_ , Frela groaned in her head. In the summer season the manor doubled as a hotel, and was a very popular place for honeymoons.

Kúura wa already sitting on the bed wearing nothing but his pyjama pants. ”It's good that you're here”, he said soberly. ”I have a very important question for you.”

Frela was suddenly nervous when she put her bag down. ”Yes?”

”On which side do you want to sleep?”

Frela giggled in relief. ”On the side that has room for me,” she answered. ”I don't care.”

Kúura's smile made Frela turn her eyes away. ”That's great!” Kúura exclaimed. ”That means you can sleep on the wall side– wait, are you really going to the bathroom to change?”

Words weren't coming out of Frela's mouth. Kúura continued. ”It's not like we haven't been in sauna together…? When did you become that modest?”

”This is different!” Frela finally gasped and rushed away from the room. Luckily there was no one in the bathroom at the moment, and she locked the door, dropping her belongings on the floor.

Frela slided down against the door to sit on the floor. Kúura would never understand. Maybe they had been together in a sauna a year ago, but back then Frela hadn't had scars on her arms. _Kúura is so stupid! s_ he thought. _This is the second time today he's made me cry_.

When she took off her shirt to change into a pyjama, Frela's crying turned into a panic attack. She gasped for breath while clutching her arms against her chest. _Everybody would hate me if they saw me like this. I'm so pathetic! Kúura must hate me, because he said once that suicide is the most selfish thing in the world_...

Even after her panic attack had subsided Frela lied on the flor for a long time, squeezing her knees against her chest before she could get up, brush her teeth and put the pyjama on. When she sneaked back to the room she noticed that Kúura had already gone to sleep. Frela climbed over him and slipped under the blanket.

After some time Kúura pressed a hand against Frela's upper back. ”I'm so sorry,” he whispered in a voice that resonated somewhere deep inside Frela's heart. ”About what I said– it was very inconsiderate from me. And what I said earlier. I didn't want to make you cry, but I will try not to do it ever again, even though I'm not sure what it was exactly. I'm sorry that you had to feel that way.”

Frela pressed against Kúura's touch but couldn't say anything for a while. ”It was almost one year ago”, she said holding back tears. ”When I left that Shakespeare production…”

Kúura stroked Frela's arm reassuringly. ”You don't have to make yourself tell me,” he said softly.

”But I think I need to,” Frela said, sitting up. ”My therapist said that I should talk about it to my friends, even though I'm afraid that especially you will start to hate me if I tell you. Alex knows, of couse, but I…” Frela took a deep sigh to calm herself. ”My little brother committed suicide”, she said and bit her tongue to prevent herself from crying again. ”And I… I also– tried. That's why I wasn't here– I was at the ward… I'm sorry. Please, don't hate me.”

Frela was surprised, when Kúura pulled her to a hug that almost made her cry. She could have prevented the tears if Kúura hadn't said anything, but he always had the right words. ”None of us could ever hate you,” he said gently. ”You're part of our theatre family, and I think I can speak for everyone and tell you that we love you. I love you.”

It was like Kúura's words had gave birth to a star inside Frela's chest. That feeling made her uttere the most ill-judged scentece she had ever thought of: ”If you were a girl, I would kiss you right now.”

As soon as the words left her mouth Frela regretted them. She jumped up from the bed and was almost out of the room's door when Kúura grabbed her wrist. ”Frela”, he pleaded. ”Please, don't run away from this conversation. I want to understand.”

Frela stalled on the doorway, but sighed and turned to face Kúura. ”Breaking news, truth come out,” she scoffed. ”Does Frela Dinenghery is not lesbian anymore?”

She let Kúura pull her to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. ”Does it bother you?” he asked. ”I assume you've figured you're not only into girls?”

Frela gave an apathetic laugh. ”I don't even know where it came from,” she said. ”All of a sudden, just like that, I had a crush on you. I only have thought about it for a couple of months.”

Kúura nodded understandingly. ”I also thought for a long while that I only liked girls,” he confided. ”You've heard everything about Nangien and Halilie… but then I got a crush on Vicos. Things happened, I learned something about myself, and now I'm proudly a pansexual.”

Frela was quiet for a while. ”Are you trying to say that it's okay for me to kiss you?” she asked cautiously. ”Even though it wouldn't lead anywhere?”

Kúura nodded. ”Of course. A kiss isn't a contract.”

Frela swallowed and leaned closer to Kúura's face. His eyes closed, and Frela followed his lead, closing the distance between them until their lips touched.

If the right words had been comparable to a star's birth, the kiss made a supernova explode in Frela's head, accompanied by a symphony orchestra. She gasped against Kúura's lips and refused to pull away, wrapping her arms around Kúura's neck and climbing onto his lap.

Kúura's hands wandered onto Frela's hips, and he was working his fingers under her shirt, when she pulled away.

”No”, Frela breathed, grabbing Kúura's wrists. ”I– I don't know yet…”

Kúura planted a kiss on Frela's nose tip. ”I understand,” he said, moving his hands onto Frela's shoulders instead. ”I'm sorry I did that. This is so new to you, so of course you won't be comfortable with that kind of stuff yet. Or maybe you don't know whether you want that or not. Do you want to continue kissing, or do we just go to sleep now? Are you good for tonight?”

Frela lowered her gaze and climbed off Kúura's lap. He didn't say anything more, just lied down quietly on his side of the bed. Frela sat still for a while before slipping under the blanket, sliding to press herself against Kúura's back.

When Frela thought Kúura had fallen asleep she reached to whisper into his ear. ”Thank you,” she breathed and turned to press her back against Kúura's, pulling her blanket up to her ears.

Frela was already slipping into sleep when she heard Kúura mumble, ”no, thank _you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first AU thing I did for my original work.


End file.
